Guide to helping hurting individuals contemplating suicide
The discussion of suicide, mental health issues, and human suffering can sometimes be very difficult to approach. There are not many words that can comfort the array of emotions we experience and questions we ask when tragedy and loss occur. Rather than trying to say the right thing, I have learned that the gift of being present and non-judgmental is important.
Here are few suggestions that might help us be more present when working with someone who is hurting.
Listen… Let the person speak. Do not try to convince the person that his or her views are wrong. Just listen. Validate the individual’s feelings and allow the individual to talk. My former student and professional peer, David Bataar, once said in class, “just sit down and shut up!” People who are hurting do not want to be told what to do. Instead, they may need someone to listen.
Ask…. What do you need? When someone is hurting or in pain, even the simple things can be overwhelming. In times like this, the sympathetic nervous system is activated, and they think from a survival perspective. Reasoning and logic usually do not work during these times. Asking them what their needs are may help them share some tasks or stress that they may need help with.
Ask… How can I help? If a person is hurting, you want to make sure the person is safe. Ask if the person is thinking of harming him or herself. There is nothing more important than that. Just be there for the individual without judgment or advise.
Let me share an example: My mentor and former professor, Dr. Ed Decker, said something very powerful the last hours of my late wife’s passing. I called him from the staircase of the hospital, away from my family and friends, as the inevitable of Amber’s passing became evident. I was crying, felt alone, and afraid. I did not know if I could do life alone and be a single dad to my 3 year-old son. This was not my prayer or desire. Dr. Decker said… “Edward, when Amber goes, I will walk with you in the days ahead.” Those words did not change the circumstances of the moment, but I have always cherished those words after Amber’s passing. When I talk to Dr. Decker today, those words still bring comfort and courage to me. His willingness to help me face tomorrow was so helpful and reassuring. I share this personal story to say this: Your kind offer of help may bring comfort and courage to the individual.
Seek… Seek professional help. If you are helping an individual who is hurting and thinking of harming him or herself, call the National Suicide Hotline (1-800-273-8255) or dial 911. Assure the person that he or she is not alone, and help is there.
If you are thinking of harming yourself, please call the National Suicide Hotline number (1-800-273-8255).
If you like to read more about suicide prevention, please visit this website: http://bit.ly/2mg6rUz
If I can be of any help, please feel free to contact me.
